Hi, I was wondering if you would comment on the start of my parody. I have the book finished and it has 10 chapters all in. I have set up a blog type thing if you want to read all the book and share with your friends. PLEASE NOTE- I AM NOT BEING OFFENSIVE TO S.MEYER OR THE FANS. I ENJOYED THE BOOKS BUT THIS IS A PAROIDY OF THE MOVIE (IT DIDN’T DO THE BOOK JUSTICE)
This is the start of the book-
I don’t know why I insisted on bringing the cactus all the way to Spoons but I did. I mean, there is no sun here whatsoever. How would the poor thing thrive? It was the only reminder of back home and even though I had lived in Phoenix since I was four, I never had a tan.
Strange, maybe it was so I would fit in if I accidently fell in love with the mystery guy at school and he turned out to be a vampire and all his family were pale marble like creatures. Yes, that was it. I never had a tan because I had to fit in here, I mean how would his parents feel if he brought home an oompa loompa? I thought back to how grateful I was that my great, great, great grandmother had the ‘albino’ gene.
The good thing about moving here was, my dad Gordon, didn’t like to hoover. That’s the English word for, vacuum. Yes, I’m smart too. Back home, mom, would always rugby tackle me to the floor if I even dared try to vacuum. She liked the noise the cleaner made. It distracted her from the voices in her head.
I was taken from my thoughts when my dad entered the room claiming he had a present for me. I didn’t know why he was trying to act like a father now he hadn’t bothered buying me a present in two whole weeks.
“Beauty, come downstairs I have a surprise for you,” he said.
My mom named me after her favorite book, ‘Black Beauty.’ She tells everyone when I was born my face reminded her of a horse. That’s not the truth though she named me after her favorite Disney Princess, ‘Belle from Beauty and the Beast’. Mom just liked to joke she could read to her friends.
When I reached the drive, a bright orange truck sat where my dad’s hot dog van should have been. Gordon was the local chief of meals on wheels and had been for the last eleven years. He was highly respected round these parts. The first year didn’t go great when he accidentally knocked down an old lady crossing the road but since then he had a clean record and everyone looked up to him.
Ok if you liked that you can read the rest of this chapter along with chapter 2 at my blog. If you read them please comment and I will be adding more chapters later on today
http://dimlightamovieparody.webs.com/
It’s really good so far! Keep going, it made me giggle.